[shedevil]

1 - I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

2 - I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!

3 - Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

4 - Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

5 - Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events

6 - How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

7 - I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

8 - I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.

9 - If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

10 - For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

11 - Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

12 - If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

13 - Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect it back.

14 - Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

15 - Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

16 - Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

17 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace prize.

18 - I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

19 - As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.

20 - Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.